Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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