I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do vagina's smell?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
