at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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