Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
