Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
