My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
