glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
