My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
