Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
