I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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