Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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