I need help removing her.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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