His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
