Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
