We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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