Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
