There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
