dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
