I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
