i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
