Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Barsexuality is the new black.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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