I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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