Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i was born a porn star she said
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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