the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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