conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
