the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
