she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
whose parrot is this?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
