I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
