i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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