I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
