Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You ruined the universe
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
