Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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