He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
