Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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