yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
