he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
