this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
