i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
