She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
