The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
