I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We had to coat check the pizza.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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