The maid of honor just puked.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
