I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
