Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
