I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
