She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
