I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
