just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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