Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
