College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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