I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
