I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I will be naked everywhere
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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